Sicilians, socially

Various people have told me about Italy that the further south you go, the friendlier the people are; that is, until you get to Sicily, where people are cordial but wary of strangers. There’s this idea, like in the mafia movies, that Sicilians are still sort of clannish, that they never really trust anyone outside of their families. I’m not saying it’s true or untrue; I don’t know. I suppose one of the things I’m interested in doing here is testing that hypothesis.

So far, I’d say it seems kinda true. I mentioned before how friendly and open and curious Neapolitans always were, and I haven’t seen that yet here. People I interact with in public, like at the grocery store or the bar (little cafe’) always seem sort of curt and bored. Like when I had to deposit my American money orders, this woman acted like it was the biggest inconvenience ever, like I was asking her to do this just to punish her.

I don’t want to jump to any conclusions, though... it’s too soon to tell. One factor is that I’ve mostly been around town with my friend, and when they see he’s a native they’re instantly bored. I have a feeling it may be different when I’m wandering around by myself and people figure out I’m foreign.

An interesting turn of events, though: on Sunday evening my friend took me to meet this acquaintance of his, Paola, the woman who’d like someone to tutor her in conversational English. Her son just left for college in the U.S., and so she’d like to be able to get around when she goes to visit him. She’s separated from her husband, and her daughter’s off to school in Milan, so she’s very lonely. I’d say she’s looking for a buddy as much as for an English tutor.

Anyway, we went to meet this woman, who lives in this enormous, gorgeous villa on a hill on the outskirts of Palermo. Absolutely gorgeous. A big deck with a view of the entire city and Monte Pellegrino and everything. Her income is basically that she owns some vineyards on an island off the coast of Sicily, which basically requires zero hours of work, which means this is a woman who not only lives alone but has a lot of free time on her hands.

So, Paola is like the nicest woman that I have ever met. She was friendly and warm, intensely curious about me and about the U.S. She’s been there plenty; in fact, she’s driven cross-country twice, which I haven’t even done. But she’s still very enthusiastic about the U.S. A major America-phile, I guess you could say. And of course, in the tradition of Italian mothers, she made like 9 million muffins for our visit (and Italians don’t do muffins, so it was just for my benefit to have an American food), and showed us a ton of pictures of her kids, and offered (begged, really) to have me stay in a spare room in her house, either permanently or temporarily if I don’t find a place before my friend moves. Did I mention she wants to pay me to hang out with her?

And then a friend of her daughter’s was hanging out with her there, a girl who’s exactly my age 22. Again, she seemed like the sweetest girl on the planet. She, too, is intensely curious about the States, having studied English her whole life but having never been there. She was so eager and warm that it kind of flustered me. It was like, Hi we’ve just met but I’m ready to be your best friend! I’m always kind of taken aback when people seem eager to be my friend, even at a less intense level than this one. My gut reaction is always sort of, What’s wrong with you that you find me appealing as a potential friend? Anyway, aside from my being a little flustered and stumbling a bit over my Italian (I really should have practiced over the summer... it’s a little rusty, though improving rapidly by the day), we got along great, and I hope she’ll end up being a good friend and someone to go out with while I’m here (plus she has a car... score!)

Anyway, the point of this whole rambling thing is that it led me to the theory that maybe Sicily, socially, is like Pride and Prejudice, or rather, Regency-era England. (If you lived in my head, you would know that I find ways to connect almost everything in life to Pride and Prejudice. But, I digress.) So you know how Mr. Collins commits this horrifying social sin by introducing himself to Mr. Darcy rather than having someone else introduce him. I wonder if that’s maybe how it is here. Like, you can’t just go up and introduce yourself to people, or chat with someone in line at the grocery store or waiting for the bus. Maybe they find that a little suspect or too forward. However, if a mutual acquaintance introduces you to someone, they’re all hugs and smiles and ready to bake you muffins and drive you places, all because you must be a trustworthy and decent person if you’re friends with so-and-so.

Maybe I’ll call this the Pride and Prejudice theory. And we shall see how it holds up.

Anyway, just some thoughts for you. It’s amazing how when I don’t have reading and papers and exams to worry about, or constant appointments and meetings and activities to race around to, how all these thoughts just keep pouring in until they bubble over. I never had any time at school for any actual thinking. The kind where you just let your mind go wherever it wants to and make all sorts of convoluted connections. It’s kinda nice, really.